at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
