there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
