Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
