That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
