ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
