I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize