Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
