I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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