shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
