Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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