You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
