things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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