she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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