So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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