I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
