Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
