I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize