I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
