I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
