Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
