Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish you could order shots online.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
