So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
