can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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