I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
