Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
