I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
