he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
