Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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