Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
