My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
