didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
