is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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