When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
