i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
