i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
