im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
