I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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