If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
