So drunk its hurt
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't deserve a penis
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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