if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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