Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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