you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
