so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
