She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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