I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
