HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
