What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We're too hungover to prance.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
