Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
how does that bad decision feel?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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