More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
