his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
