If i come over, it means nothing
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
