I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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