So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize