Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
