I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
why is half of my head shaved?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
