He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
