and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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