if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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