It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
