Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
