dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
