Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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