Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
