I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
