I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
